Keeping the Machine Running: My Therapists!

Hi everyone! I thought it was about time to do another post! I’m going to do something a bit different this time. 

In living life with a disability, we get support from many people. They make living life a little easier. They work behind the scenes, making sure our bodies stay healthy, and as mobile as possible. I am referring to our therapists. I want to talk about my therapists, and how they have helped me through the years. 

About four years ago, I discovered the wonderful sport of sit skiing. While I loved the feeling of zooming down the hill at light speed, doing as many daring jumps as possible, what I didn’t love was the effect it had on my body. As I flew down the hill, my head would bobble around uncontrollably, especially when the snow was hard and bumpy. After doing one too many high speed bumps and jumps, my neck had finally had enough. I woke up the next morning feeling like my head was resting on a metal spike… Ouch! I tried to treat it on my own, with heat and rest, but by the end of the day it became apparent that I needed help. I had been to the Chiropractor before, but had been in good shape for quite some time, so I stopped going for about a year. I decided to try a different Chiropractor in town, and after hearing some reviews, I chose Paul Attalla. Meeting a new therapist always makes me very nervous, wondering how they would react and treat me. Meeting my physical needs is kind of a monumental task, and tends to make people nervous… When Paul entered the room, I knew I was going to like him. He’s the bubbly, smiley kind of person I get along with. He did seem a bit nervous at first, which put me on edge a little. He was very gentle, a little too gentle I thought, but that’s something I’m used to. People tend to think I’m fragile because of my physical appearance. What I did really appreciate is that Paul didn’t treat me as just a “customer”. I immediately felt that he actually cared about my physical health, and that he wanted me to improve so I didn’t have to keep seeing him. He even went over my appointment time to be sure he was thorough. I went home with mixed feelings on the experience, but with that glimmer of hope, I decided to stick it out. I thought that maybe he just needed to get to know me first, and then he’d figure out that I am an independent thinker, and am able to speak for myself. The next time I went in, Paul seemed more relaxed, and he looked to me to answer his questions, and not my Mom. Each time I went, the more it improved. I’ve been seeing Paul on and off for three years, and without a doubt, he is the best therapist I have ever had. I can also say that besides prayer, he played a huge part in helping me survive the difficult high school years. He has seen me at my worst, literally in tears, and has helped me be my best. Whenever I feel upset or anxious over my physical condition, I feel that he genuinely cares and is concerned. I always laugh thinking of my first appointment. He went from being too gentle, to saying, “Grace, this will hurt, but I’m doing what I do for everyone else.” Currently, I have been going through the worst physical issues I have ever been through, but with Paul’s help, I am on the road to recovery. I am so thankful that God has brought Paul into my life, and I pray that God will bless him as much as he has blessed me! You are the absolute best Paul! What you do has had such an impact on my life, and I think you should know that! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!!!

I love my work with FIRE: Fernie Adaptive, but sometimes it takes its toll on my body as well. I can only use my right arm to do daily activities, as well as writing the many emails I must write for FIRE. When the program planning began in September, I became more involved, as I had finished school and could devote more time to it. After writing literally hundreds of emails, which is what it takes to plan for a new season, my arm decided it was most inconveniently going to tire out… Every time I went to write, my arm would go completely limp. It would also tingle, especially in my fingers. In January, I unfortunately re-injured my neck, and had to see Paul again after about five months. When I described these symptoms, and had a melt down with tears, he immediately suggested I see my doctor. I don’t really like doctors, and haven’t had an appointment for five years, but this one was pretty painless. I was diagnosed with tendonitis in my shoulder and elbow, and carpal tunnel in my wrist. I was then sent to a Physiotherapist. The old nervousness kicked in, meeting another therapist, but Paul suggested one he thought would work well with me, which made me feel better. Shawn is similar to Paul, in that he is very smiley and fun. He welcomed me with a warm smile, and made me feel at ease. When we sat down, I immediately told him that despite what people think, I will not fall to pieces when touched. Whatever he had to do to make me improve, even if it would leave me sore, I wanted him to do. I was very impressed with how he acted around me, and how he worked with me like he would his other patients. In fact, my first treatment lasted two hours, because Shawn was being thorough. It’s been a journey for both of us, as we are both learning about my body, and how it responds to treatment. We’ve made plans, found out quickly that it won’t work, and adjusted accordingly. We learned that my body is very strange, to say the least, and often leaves us puzzled... (By the way, I’m not supposed to be typing or using my arm right now, so don’t tell Shawn… Shhhh…) I can easily see my relationship with Shawn turning out like my relationship with Paul, and am very thankful to have Shawn in my life. 

I feel so blessed that God has brought these two people into my life, and I know that He has a plan in all of this. I know that I will never forget the wonderful support of my therapists, Paul and Sean! For all that you do, you are not forgotten. You are amazing! Thank you!

Don't give me money!

Hi everyone!

Something interesting happened to me today, and as I was expressing my feelings on it to my Mother, she smiled and said, "You should write in your blog about it!" And so I shall!

Today I spent the day with my best friend, Kate, for her 20th birthday. By the way, in February it will be our 9th "Friendiversary"! I can't believe we've known each other that long without killing each other... We should get a trophy or something...

Anyways, we went to Boston Pizza for lunch, as we HAD to get our signature Tropical Chicken Pizza. While we were enjoying our meal, an older man walked up to me, handed me $20 and said, "I think you are a brave woman." I've been in these situations before, and yet I'm still not entirely sure how to react. This happened to me in the grocery store once, and I ended up arguing with the guy, telling him that I was thankful, but I wanted him to take his money. In this instance, I decided not to argue, as the man was already half way out the door, so I said thank you very much. I sat there, staring at the money in front of me, wondering how I should feel about it. I never know how to feel about this certain issue. However, as I thought about it during lunch and then on the way home, these two things came to mind.

I always feel horrible about people giving me money. Some people might think it's awesome, in fact most of my friends thought that when I was young, but it almost makes me feel ashamed. I think it's odd, giving someone money because they think they are brave. I think that just the compliment would have been enough. Now don't misunderstand me, I am very grateful to those people, and I pray that God will bless them. But I always think, what is it about me that makes people want to do that? It certainly isn't just because I smile a lot, and like to laugh. I think it's my wheelchair, or the way I look, which might cause them to want to "satisfy their conscience". This is probably what makes me the most upset. I do not want to be pitied. I don't need to be pitied. My physical appearance is probably my worst enemy, because it causes me to be misunderstood and judged. I just want everyone to treat me like a human being. We are all flesh and blood, so why can't we all treat each other the same? If you receive a gift, and you judge it only by how it's wrapped, and never open it, how will you ever find out what's on the inside? People are the same way. How will you ever find out what a wonderful gift they really are, if you can't get past the outside wrapping? It's a shame. And yes, I have restrictions, but so does everyone else. We all have things that hold us back in life, or cause life to be difficult. I wish that people could look past those restrictions, and see how wonderful life really is. It's not about how hard it is, it's not about the nasty blows that it has dealt, it's about being thankful to even be living. It may be hard here, but we're here aren't we? Shouldn't we consider every breath we take as a blessing? I'm going on a rant here... I don't want people assuming that because I'm disabled, I am financially unable to support myself. I would rather have people put that money to good use, and give it to someone who needs it. By the way, I ended up putting the money up for grabs, as I didn't feel right in taking it. Some people will and have disagreed with me, but unless you step into my shoes, or socks... you won't be able to understand.

I also don't like being called brave. Again, I was thankful that he said it, but that's not what I am. I am not brave, by the definition of the word, because I manage to get out of bed in the morning, and remember my own name. I am not brave because I decide to have a good attitude towards life, and not lie in bed all day thinking about how terrible my life is. I am simply making the right decisions. Do you know what I consider brave? Someone giving their life for someone else. In fact, the dictionary defines brave as "ready to face danger or pain." Am I brave? Uh no... I can't even get my ears pierced without crying... I would have preferred it if this man would have said that I was joyful, or that he enjoyed seeing me smile, or something more appropriate. I am not extraordinary, because I live with a disability. I don't deserve any awards, and I should not be considered brave. I do what everyone else does: I live.

Now I know that a lot of you will disagree with the two points I made, but as I said, once you step into my shoes, then you can tell me I'm wrong. I still don't know how I'll deal with this situation in the future, but I sincerely hope that people will put more thought into it before they do it.

"That thing is a wheelchair."

Have you ever been referred to as "that" or as a "thing"? I bet you haven't. It really shouldn't be a common occurrence for anyone, but unfortunately it's something I am very familiar with.
I was in a store just the other day, when a child walked past me and said, "What's that thing?" Now, I don't mind when children ask me questions because I would rather have them know than not. What really bothers me is the way the parents respond. On this particular instance, the mother said, "That thing is a wheelchair." I am quite accustomed to this sort of response, but for some reason this time it bothered me. Why should I be accustomed to being referred to as a "thing"? What does that teach the child? It teaches them to see the wheelchair first, then the body, if they can even get past the wheelchair.
This is the way I'm treated constantly by people, in fact, it has been happening my whole life. I constantly feel like no one is seeing the real me, because the chair speaks louder than words. I suppose I notice it more now because I'm an adult and I desire to be treated as one. Instead, I get people treating me like I don't have a mind of my own. To be honest, whenever I meet someone for the first time, I always think, "Is this person going to act normally around me, or are they going to treat me like I'm mentally handicapped." It's like I can feel when someone thinks I'm mentally handicapped, and then unfortunately, I feel embarrassed and I start to act differently. I'm being very frank because I think it's sad. It's sad to be treated differently because you look different. In my opinion, beauty is from the inside out. But that's not the way the world thinks. Simply put, if you have normal conversations with other people, then why can't you have one with me? You wouldn't walk up to a friend, get right in their personal space, and start talking to them like they're deaf. So why do it to me. You wouldn't choose to ask questions about you friend, to your friend's mother, if your friend was standing right in front of you. So why do it to me? You wouldn't refer to your friend as a "thing". Why do that to me? I wish more people would think about this. Why am I any different than you because I'm in a wheelchair?
So parents, I just want to give a quick suggestion. You just have to change your response slightly. Say, "There's a woman in a wheelchair." Acknowledge the human being first. See, not that hard! I can't change the way the world sees me, but you can, and it starts with you! As Willy Wonka says, "Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world, there's nothing to it."

Opening a New Chapter...

Good hello internet world!

Wow! I can't believe that the last time I wrote in here was when I was finished Grade 11! That's really not good on my part though... So since it's been basically a year I'll have a lot to talk about!

My school year, Grade 12, was VERY busy with a huge amount of courses, 11 to be exact. Of those 11, it included two Pre Calculus courses! That's right, I said two. I had to do Pre Calculus 11 in the first semester and Pre Calculus 12 in the second semester. If that wasn't enough to try my nerves, I also had stressful courses such as French and Biology. You know my track record with French; we don't get along... At all... I was able to do some really neat courses though, such as Law, Family Studies, and Christian Studies. In Christian Studies I learned about different worldviews, such as Marxism, and what each of them believes. I also had to write what I like to call "the Monster final paper" for Christian Studies, which was a summary of everything I learned. "The Monster" ended up being 21 pages in length and during this period I got a glimpse of how University students feel. I have never chugged so much coffee in my life... Other than that I learned a lot of useful information and I generally enjoyed the course! All of my courses definitely tested me on many different levels, both physically and emotionally. I won't talk much about that though because the main thing is that I'm done!!!

My fabulous Graduation was in a city 12 hours away from my home town, and since my family LOVES me SO much, we made this adventurous journey all together! I say adventurous because it was full of them literally at every turn; I'm not kidding. For example, on our way to dress rehearsals we got lost, ended up on the freeway going out of town, which took us fifteen minutes to find a turn off and then fifteen minutes to get back... I went breathlessly into rehearsals, not really sure what was happening and was more than a little "frazzled". I was told that I would be leading the graduates into the ceremony but not actually where to go... So when it came time, I proudly led the graduates down the wrong aisle... Eh hem... Well, almost. One of the teachers grabbed me before I completely turned off and directed me to the right aisle. Besides that I ended up being on drugs because of a back spasm, and was zoned out basically throughout the entire ceremony... Being "pain killer high" at Grad was not exactly what I had imagined, to say the very least. Besides that, I had a lot of fun, especially being able to meet my fellow graduates and teachers for the first time! I must be honest and say that usually when I meet new people, I can be very shy, nervous, and sometimes awkward. I'm only like that when I first meet people though, because after that I go back to being my enthusiastic, crazy self! So throughout meeting my fellow graduates, as I knew that it would probably be the only time I'd ever see them, I tried to act as effortless as possible and hide the fact that I was nervous. Whether or not I did a good job I will never know! Anyways, the only thing I didn't like about the ceremony was the fact that the grad gowns, which I had to be pinned into by the way, were extremely hot! I literally felt like all of the makeup my sister spent painstakingly putting on for half an hour was going to melt right off my face. Towards the end of it, all I wanted to do was rip the gown off and go running around outside to cool off. In the five minutes it took me to go up and get my diploma, (well actually it was fake... I don't get the real one until August) I expected to either, have a flashback of my life up until that moment, or have this tremendous revelation that I was an adult after that point... Neither of those things actually happened though as my mind was fixed on two things; the smiling faces around me, and the fact that I was really trying not to drop my certificate on the way back down. The flashback and adult revelation didn't happen until the Monday after when I realized there was no school that day... The next few minutes were a complete blur, as I was dragged off to a group photo, then family photos, then taking off the grad gown (to my relief), then fixing my flattened grad cap hair (my mother being a hairdresser was armed with a curling iron and hair spray), then more family pictures with me in my prom dress, all in that order! My prom dress was $50 from Amazon, which I literally found a week before grad, ordered, and had altered three days before we left. Up until that point I had multiple "heart attacks" so my relief was indescribable. I had prayed and asked God to bring me a dress that would match my personality, which I deem to be sunny, and I got just that! I love my dress and the fact that I can wear it again instead of having it sit in my closet... The banquet dinner was amazing with lots of laughter. It featured student talent, singing, etc, and an improv group called the Panic Squad. By that time my back was feeling better so I was actually able to enjoy the evening pain free! And to top it all off... We got into the van, turned it on, and then realized that the headlights were broken... After trying to drive a block in the dark on a busy street, we pulled over to try and fix the problem. We weren't getting anywhere, so like always, we said a quick prayer. After about five minutes, a young man pulled up in front of us, and like a knight in shining armour, led us back to our hotel in safety, saving us from having to sleep in the van... And so ends the graduation adventure!

What's next for me, you say? That is to be decided. I definitely need to rest my body, as it has been giving me some grief, and take some time to recuperate. I choose to leave my life in God's hand and see what other adventures He leads me to. So stay tuned!

Summer Days.....

Hey! Long time no blog? I think so!

I am very happy to announce, drumroll please... I SURVIVED GRADE 11!!!!! Hallelujah! After a very stressful last three weeks, full of taking notes almost eight hours a day, and getting a swollen tendon in the arm from all that writing... I'M DONE! I think I am the most proud of my 96% in Math, of which I owe to my teachers hard work, as if it was just by my doing... I would have failed... The hardest course to complete was a tie between Biology, as it had tons of note taking, and French, need I say more? I feel more than slightly exhausted and am looking forward to my vacation in a week! My what? Why were you not informed of this vacation? There is a simple explanation for this! I forgot to mention it....

In exactly five days, I, Grace Brulotte, will hit the bright and shining streets of.... LAS VEGAS!!! That's right people! I am going to Vegas! I think I have mentioned before that every year individuals with Arthrogryposis (my condition) gather for a four day conference in an exciting destination. When I found out it was in Vegas, after pestering my mother for weeks on end, we decided that we would go! With my previous, lovely airplane experiences (I'm being totally sarcastic...), we decided it would be better for us to drive. It is a considerably long trip, approximately 19 hours, but seeing that the last time we flew to one of these conferences they broke my wheelchair, anything is better than that! We are staying for almost two weeks, and will be visiting the Grand Canyon, as well as Vegas. Of course we will be seeing lots of shows, such as Cirque Du Soleil, while we are there, and staying up half the night partying... And I personally can't go to Vegas without going shopping! With temptation like the biggest Ross in North America, how could I resist? I am also planning on not being a chicken and getting my ears pierced... I can't wait for another Grace adventure!

So, that's all I have time for today, but I will be sure to write all about my trip when I get back!

"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world".

Hey everyone! I must say that ever since I was able to start skiing every week this winter has gone surprisingly fast for me, which is a very good thing!!! I'm actually shocked at myself because I was sad to see winter passing into spring... We've had such an amazing ski season and I can't wait for next season! With that said there is a whole lot more to be done this summer and I look forward to being a part of it!

Working with FIRE has been such a blessing! I've learned so many new skills that I hope will become very useful in the future. I filled out my very first grant application, handled all the scheduling and booking for the program, and have done many public speaking events since the program started in January. I'm going to admit that I have loved being able to empower and encourage people with my story, even if I'm not a fan of public speaking… Every new experience has been both challenging and inspiring and I can't wait to see what this next part of my life has in store for me.

I'm going to start off by saying that, drumroll please… I got my very first job! As you may know, I've been exploring new ideas for jobs, and my mother suggested that I apply to work for the elections this year. I wasn't quite sure if I would get the job as I am young and don't have very much experience with that sort of thing, but I decided to take a leap of faith, and applied for the job. They gave me a call yesterday and told me that I got the job!  The only bad part about this is that I have to get my social insurance number, and the office where I would get that done is not accessible… Go figure! So I'm going to have to travel out of town to get my social insurance number so I'm able to work. (I really am hoping to be able to advocate more for individuals with disabilities though, and hopefully in the future no one else will run into the same problem as I did!) Getting a job has been a personal goal of mine for quite a while, and I'm thrilled that I've been able to accomplish it! Just another thing to check off the list!

I talked about public speaking in the beginning of this post, so I thought I'd give a little bit more of the details on that! I guess the whole thing started when I was asked to speak at International Women's Day in March. They wanted me to talk about FIRE and inspire women to reach for the stars! I was honored that they thought my story was worth speaking about, but also honored that they thought I was a woman… :) Although I was terrified at first, another goal of mine is to put myself in situations where I'm pushed past my comfort zone, and since I am really not comfortable with public speaking, I thought this was a good opportunity to put this goal to the test. I thought that I would only be doing the one public speaking event, but that one public speaking event turned into three public speaking events! After my first speech, I was asked to speak at the local moms group. I was able to speak for an hour at this event, so I was able to share some of my other life experiences, such as the Paralympics and speaking at the Senate in Ottawa. I really enjoyed being able to do that and I felt very empowered afterwards. A few days after that, I was asked to come and speak to a class of RCN's at the college. I think this was the longest speaking event I have ever done, as I spoke for almost two hours! I talked about what it felt like to be disabled, what bothered me, but also what I appreciated in the way people treat me. I was actually a little shocked at how much I enjoyed public speaking and I sincerely hope I have more opportunities to share my story. I hope all of these experiences help me in my "maturing process"! ;)

That's all I'm going to talk about for this entry, but I'll post another one soon with more exciting news! Life is so good!!!

Free To Ski!

Hey everyone! Long time no see! What took you so long!? Ok ok I know... I've neglected you guys... But hey! I am the bearer of good news!

It finally happened! All that hard work, endless hours of planning, many hard times, the good, the bad and the ugly, and now I can say, "WE DID IT"!!! Fernie now has it's very own adaptive snow program! Words cannot even express how happy, relieved, and thankful I am. Fernie Adaptive Snow Program's first official day was on the 20th of January and we have been doing wonderfully! We currently have five students, three sit skiers, one snowboarder, and one who is just learning how to ski. We have been open four Sundays now and I am so amazed at how the students have grown already. There is such a positive atmosphere up there! Everyone is smiling and nothing is taken for granted. All I have to do is just look at everyone with their smiling faces and, like a disease, I start smiling too. It almost makes me want to cry. I see joy not only on our instructors and students faces, but on the parents faces as well. All the hard work is so worth it after I see all of this! Our program is more than just skiing. It is individuals being able to see the ability in their disability. It's people being able to say I can, instead of I can't. It's freedom! It's being able to forget the labels and just let go. A smile from one of these individuals, is truly worth a thousand words. I can see our program being the key that opens the door to a place where anything is possible. I cannot wait to see this program grow, but more importantly, I can't wait to see people's lives changed, forever. So I would like to just take a moment to thank you, thank you to my wonderful board of directors without whom this would not be possible, thank you to the amazing instructors who volunteer their time to literally change lives, thank you to the volunteers who keep everything going, and thank you to our incredible sponsors who opened up their hearts to FIRE. Words could not express my thankfulness! And now I can truly say we are... free to ski!